Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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