Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
