I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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