I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
