Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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