Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
