so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
