Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
