I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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