I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Is it penis luge time yet?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
