First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
