Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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