i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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