Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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