y did u give ur computer a hand job?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
