i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
