Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
