She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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