I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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