get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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