"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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