I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
