You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Randomize
