FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
