Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
