You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
should my penis look like a turkey
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
