This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
