can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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