He disabled his match.com account in front of me
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
