You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
