Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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