I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
