Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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