you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
