I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
