when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
