Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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