I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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