I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
