I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
