She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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