the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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