GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
