So drunk its hurt
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
bring money and cleavage
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
