WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
