Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
