Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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