Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
