If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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