She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
