Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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